My Hope

We make plans

We have dreams of where we see our lives going. 

We strive and plan and move in a direction we feel led to go.

Yet, we experience times in our lives when it's as if the rug has been pulled out from under us. 

Times when we feel someone has knocked the wind out of us. We doubt our past decisions and walk with fear & hesitation into the future.

Wondering

Waiting

Wanting to move forward, yet so afraid we will mess it up.

So afraid we will make a mistake.

My hope for the future is only because of the God of my future. 

Whatever direction I turn I want it to be in tune with Him.

However, I know that I am human, and I make mistakes-past & present. 

I also know confidently & from experience that my decisions, good and bad, will not change Him.

His love remains! 

His faithfulness remains!

His mercy remains! 

Nothing in God's character will ever change! 

Ever!

I can't leave His presence!

I can't find an end to His faithfulness! 

I hang on to Him!

My hope!

My rock! 

And when the storm rages & the wind blows around me, I lean into Him & on Him. 

When we hold onto Him & lean into Him, we find our strength, our peace and our hope~

We make plans

We strive for the future

When the plans change it is not always because of our wrong choices or that we failed to hear His direction. 

Sometimes the plan changes because that is what He wanted. 

He has something to teach us maybe or simply because He wants us to put our hope in Him.

Whatever you are facing

Whatever the struggle is

How I pray you grab on to Him! 

That He will be your hope! 

There is nothing better! 

I promise! 

He has never failed me

(despite me).

AND He never will~

SONG WORDS:

My Hope

Nothing will change if all the plans I 
make go wrong Your love stays the same

Your light will guide me through it all,
I’m hangin’ - on I’m leaning in to You

Nothing can reach the end of all Your
 faithfulness Your grace is with me,

Through every shadow, every test
I’m hangin’- on I’m leaning in to You

I don’t know where you’ll take me
But I know You’re always good

My hope is built on nothing less than Your great love,
Your righteousness I will not walk another way
I trust Your heart, I trust Your name

I’m holdin’ on - I’m holdin’ on, to You

You are my rock when storms are raging all around,
You shelter me, God I’m safe with you on solid ground,
I’m hangin’ on I’m leaning in, to You I don’t know
where you’ll take me but I know You’re always goo

My hope is built on nothing less than Your great love,
Your righteousness I will not walk another way
I trust Your heart, I trust Your name

I’m holdin’ on - I’m holdin’ on, to You

5 Stones

I have heard the story so many times! I can recite it probably in my sleep! A very young man with great faith & confidence in his Great God fights the big bad bully AND Wins! Becomes the Hero! No guns! No Bombs! Just a sling & stone!

I would venture to guess that most people have heard the story - Whether you've been in church or not 'David & Goliath' is a classic! AND a good one to use for those who are the underdog. I have even heard it used in news reports, "Another David & Goliath story!" We always root for the underdog right? When the bully is winning & the one who is being ' taunted' steps out with victory in hand we stand up & cheer. Right?

There are so many parts to this story that I love:

1. David went to check on his brothers out of obedience to his father. He could have chosen NOT to go - humm - maybe I'll explore that another time.

2. There was an entire army of men w/weapons who could have fought this giant of a man yet their fear kept them from moving-kept them from everything!

3. When David arrived to check on his brothers and heard this giant of a man taunting God's people, He was shocked-Completely Shocked! Come ON! After all, these were Gods people! God could certainly have squashed that giant with the very tip of His fingernail! These people had seen ALL that God had done! Yet here they were frozen in the desert because of this bully AND David couldn't believe his eyes and ears over the blatant disregard for his God and the unbelief of God's people.

4. David did not hesitate - I'll say it again. David DID NOT hesitate! He stepped up without hesitation and said,"I will fight this big bad bully!" Was he crazy? Was it because he was so young? No fear of death? maybe? Could be however, I think, it was simply he knew his God and was not going to allow anyone to ridicule his God or God's people.

5. Even though King Saul objected he agreed to let David fight that giant which should tell us a whole bunch about Saul's character but that's for another time! King Saul insisted that David wear the king's armor if he was going to fight Goliath. Yet, when David put it on it was to big for him. So, he felt it best to use the weapons he was familiar with. David had to fight the battle with the tools God gave him - not with another persons armor.

6. David had experienced God's provision in the past - he knew God would be his provision with Goliath. It was not the size of the giant - it was the size of his God

7. He did his prep work - He got his stick, went down to the water and picked out 5 smooth stones and put them in his shepherds bag - along with his sling. He prepared himself for battle. Not as a warrior but as a shepherd. He fought as only he knew how.

8. Despite the giants obvious displeasure that Israel sent a 'dog to fight him' and his words of 'I will mop the floor with you' (my paraphrase), David came and said, "I come at you in the Name of the Lord God of Israel. Today I will take you down and cut off your head!" (another paraphrase). David knew the victory was his but only because of His God.

9. David did just as he claimed. He used one stone - it only took one - he picked out five - but he only used one. With God's power and God's given talent David used one stone in his sling shot to kill Goliath.

So many wonderful details of this great story! Great spiritual applications on all of them. Yet, this was simply a story of God enabling one young boy to accomplish what a whole army could not do - take down the giant. 

Yet, right now - the most intriging part of this story for me is WHY 5 stones? Why mention a specific number? Is there a significance to the # 5?? OR is it just a detail that was included?

As I have pondered this over the past few days a few things have come to mind. All of which might not be right or mean anything to anyone else but it has certainly caused me to think through the possiblities

One possibility is that David being a shepherd was just preparing himself. The slingshot was the only weapon he had. He used it while tending his sheep. He knew he needed to prepare himself for any scenario. So, he did what he had done probably a hundred times or more - went down and found 5 smooth stones that would fit in his shepherds bag & work perfectly in his slingshot.

One avenue I considered was - Did it show his unbelief? I mean if he really believed that God would give him victory then he would have known he only needed one stone - right? As much as that is a possibility I have to rule that one out. Reading David's words and his response shows no disbelief in anyway.  He KNEW what God could do! He knew God's love for His people! He knew God demands and deserves honor & respect.

I really have to believe that David was simply doing what he had been trained & taught to do. He lived his life as a shepherd. He had to be prepared at all times for anything while out tending the sheep. He had his shepherds staff, shepherds bag and slingshot! He was not a warrior at this point in his life. He was a shepherd! I hesitate to say it but a simple shepherd. He tended smelly, needed animals. Protected  them with his life.

He was experienced enough to know how good of a shot he was. If he knew how accurate he could throw then he knew how many stones he would need. He knew he needed five -He also knew he could do it with one. God had enabled him to do his job and God would enable him to do this task of defeating the Giant whether it was 1 or 5.

So many spiritual applications in all of this for me personally but I think the one that sticks out the most is:

God has given me abilities and talents unique to me. He enables me to use those gifts to walk this thing we call life. When gaints come it is through His power that I can defeat those gaints. The power is there and mine for the taking. He won't give me someone elses armor to do the battle - He will enable me to use what He has already given me. I can battle because of WHO HE is.

He expects me to come prepared - just like David - I must be in His Word, in prayer, having put on His armor I can then be ready for the battle. God will still do the work but preparation is key! When we are each prepared He can do great things in and through us!

Another part that for me is so important? The army that was paralyzed by fear? They had all the tools to fight yet their fear seemed to have overwhelmed them. Ever felt that way? I know I have! I know Who my God is and I know I can do all things through Him. Yet, I also know that my human nature often looks at the 'giant' & it stops me in my tracks. And sometimes God will walk me through that - just Him & I. But usually He provides a brother or sister in Christ to come alongside. Someone who is not intimidated by MY giant. They will then come in prepared & fight that giant for me & with me - reminding me Who my God is and where my strength comes from.

So, in closing - guess it really doesn't matter if David had 5 stones or 1 stone. The most important thing is He knew Who his God was and that was all that matter. He went into the battle prepared & trusted his trustworthy God to help him defeat the enemy. When those around him were frozen in fear he was able to step forward & lead them into victory.

I want to be prepared! I want to be able to come alongside and help defeat the giants. Whether my own or to come alongside someone else. I like to carry a small stone in my pocket sometimes to remind me who my Rock is. As well as, a reminder that it also only takes one stone. 

Trust Without Borders?

Every once in a while a song comes along that seems to stir something deep within. You know the ones that when you just hear the first few notes it seems to bring the emotions to the surface.

The song below does that for me. And sometimes you don’t even realize what it is that is speaking to your spirit – until you stop and look at the words to discover what the message of the song may be.

I have come to realize over the last week just how much the message touches my heart to the core & that the emotion is because it is my heart’s desire to live my life walking with my Savior & having that trust without borders.

When my heart is in tune with His it is then I will not only hear His voice calling but I will act in unquestioned obedience. I will hear Him calling me to come deeper and farther to experience His trust worthiness. And I will hear Him calling me to step out in faith so I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what He promises He will do.

He has never literally asked me to step out and walk on water but there have been times in my life when He has asked me to step out into a new venture – asking me to trust Him with everything despite the outcome. 

I have stepped out – some times more reluctantly then others – but I did it!  Stepped out really wondering if what He said was true. Every time – EVERY TIME – I have found Him to be trustworthy.

I find myself praying the words to this song – sometimes reluctantly – But knowing Who He is and His past record - how could I NOT make the words to this song my prayer? How could I NOT want to let Him take me deeper and take me to that place where my trust is without borders!? 

This is what I want~

I want to find Him in the mystery

I want to put my feet where He leads me & hold His hand as He guides me even into the unknown.

I want to know what it means to trust Him no matter what!

I mean that is what that means right? Trust without boarders? Trust Him regardless – right?

He has not failed me yet so why would He start now??

When I keep my eyes focused on Him and call on His name no matter how the waves and water try to distract me I can find rest in HIS embrace because I am His and He is mine.

I have this assurance that the God of yesterday is the same God for today and tomorrow. His character has not change and His promises remain.

I pray for myself:

That I would make this my prayer

To rest in His promises knowing that I belong to Him

To walk on those waters of faith so my faith would be made stronger

To learn the extent of His grace

I pray for anyone reading this:

For a fresh & new realization of Who God is

For that blind faith to come out on the water

Allow Him to embrace you

Let Him lead you through the great unknown~

He is trustworthy!

He is God!

Enough said~

I will lift up my eyes . . . my help comes from the Lord

I HATE busyness! I despise it at times! It is an evil necessity at times BUT I still hate it! Life has just been so incredibly busy And there have been days when I just want the merry go round to stop so I can get off. 

It's times like this when God gives me small pictures of Himself or little reminders that come in the most unexpected places. AND Sometimes it requires more than one incident to get my attention.

 

This week started with waking up with a nasty sinus headache - the type that makes you think your head will explode & could ruin any social gathering you might be in attendance at! I know some of you are thinking "TMI" so I will move on.

Then at the end of that day I learned of the death of a lady who my Mom loved and who was always so good to my mom. My sister-in-law's Aunt passed quickly & to young. I continue to pray for the family as they now begin life without her. Anyone who has lost a loved one knows exactly what I mean. It is the most unsettling feeling in the world! And although time does help life is never the same.

The rest of the week was just filled with "Stuff" - Mostly good but a few things that were not so good. Then one incident that makes you want to do one of 2 things:
l. Throw up your hands and walk away
2. Punch someone in the nose!

Actually a 3rd thing - Do both 1 & 2 in reverse order! ;)

Then comes that still small voice that says, "Excuse me - Remember me? You know the one Who loves you Unconditionally? The One Who promised I would help you through it? Remember me? I am still here! So why don't you let me help you? I am going to do it anyway so why not come alongside and see MY Victory in & through you! "

Then He gives me the visuals - sitting in the church sanctuary waiting for a practice CD after rehearsal & looking up to see the Cross all lit up. I know it sounds weird but it did something - it stirred something inside me! Every song I have ever heard about the cross came flooding into my head!
" The Old Rugged Cross"
" Jesus keep me near the Cross "
" Oh the Wonderful Cross"
" There is a fountain"
" Jesus Paid it all"
" At the Cross"
" When I survey the wondrous Cross"
And so on...

The Cross - it always touches a very deep part of my soul! The punishment that should have been mine was endured by someone Who did not deserve it! The worst type of death mankind could inflict on any one person was done to the One person in History that was completely innocent! The deserving person should have been me. 

My heart runs through a whole list of emotions. From deep sorrow to joyful, humbling gratitude! It's then I realize that those things that press for my attention & push for my mind pale in comparison to the Cross. Those things that anger me or frustrate me are nothing - absolutely insignificant when placed up against the cross and the power it holds in my life. I have heard it said that next to the birth of Christ, the death & resurrection is the most defining moment in history. If that is true then my view of life should always be filtered through the cross. 

So what started as a rant about the horrors of busyness has turned into a reminder of not only what He has done but what He will do. That I need to spend more time praising for His provisions!  Praise Him for His goodness! Praise Him for His unconditional love that reaches me even when I don't deserve it - which is most of the time! And praise for the Cross that means more to me then I could ever even put into words!

Where ever you are in life today I pray that you will see with new vision what Christ has done for you (& me). Regardless of what you are facing in life the power of the Cross will give you ALL that you need.

And now? I have go and practice what i preach~

 "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross" Always brings tears to my eyes~ Enjoy!

Just Take Me Away!

"Calgon! Take me away!!" 

I remember that commercial! Watching and wondering if it was really possible for a bubble bath to really 'take it all away'. As I get older (and some days I feel older than others) I realize that a simple bubble bath can't take away all that life throws at us (as much as I WISH it was that easy)! I have been thinking about this over the past few weeks (not Calgon) as life pressures have weighed heavy at times

In our Chapel last week with the kids we learned about Elijah. We used the passage from I Kings 19. Elijah had just had one of the most incredible mountain top experiences ever. He saw Gods power displayed like nothing he had seen before! God had done what He said He would do! The victory had been won over the 'gods' of the land. They had been defeated.

Yet within what appears to be a matter of minutes we see Elijah fleeing because of the threat from JezebeI. See she was mad because in her twisted evil mind Elijah beat her. What she completely missed was that it was God Who won and HE was the one she needed to pick on. But that is for another post.

The point being-despite how much God displayed His power - Elijah saw her as a threat and ran. It says in scripture that he went a days journey into the wilderness. He sat down under a tree and told God, "just take my life! I've had enough!" Then he laid down and slept. 

I love this story. It shows me that even the greatest prophet had times of discouragement. I particularly like how God handled it. He sent an angel down who wakes Elijah up and tells him to eat. Elijah looks around and sees hot baked bread & water ready for him. So, he eats the bread and drinks the water - then he goes back to sleep. I don't know how much time goes by but the angel comes back a second time - wakes him up & tells him to eat because he has a long journey ahead of him. So, he eats & the food strengthens him enough that he travels 40 days & 40 nights to Mount Horeb - the Mountain of God.He goes into a cave & 'lodges' there.

I wish I knew how long he 'lodged' there. How long did God let him stay in this cave? I guess I'll have to ask when I get to heaven. How ever long it was it was just enough. God gives him a place to refresh, rest, regroup. Call it what you want but God's compassion and care for Elijah in this story is so incredibly personal.  Elijah had obeyed God at all cost. He allowed God to work through him to teach the people. And when he had expereinced the spiritual high of victory the crashing defeat of fear awaited him and knocked him down.

God doesn't allow Elijah to stay in that cave forever. He does end up calling him out and sending him back into the battle. However, I don't see God scolding Elijah. I don't see God shaking His finger at Elijah saying, "shame on you! Stop it & get up off your bum!" I don't think God would ever say bum but it just fit!

God very tenderly cares for His faithful servant; provides for his physical needs; provides for his emotional needs by giving him a place to get away & provides for his spiritual needs by meeting him where he was.

I know God does that for us today. He sees the weariness - He sees when we are worn and tired - He sees when we are discouraged. When we lay down to rest He comes & provides for our physical needs,  our emotional needs and especially our spiritual needs. He even gives us places to 'get away' - a cave if you will - to hide out & get that refreshment we so desperately need. Its like He says, "Come ALL you who are weary & I WILL give you rest. Take my yoke upon you - For my yoke is easy & my burden is lite."

God loves us - period! As I tell the kiddos ALL the time - God loves you no matter what! There is nothing we could ever do that would cause Him to withdrawal His love. He knows when we are tired; He knows when we are discouraged, stressed; He knows when we are weary & worn. And for me personally this is such a great comfort & peace to my weary worn heart.

I think this song says it best - enjoy & remember there is really only One place you can find the rest your heart needs....

 

Appreciation of Clouds

I love clouds! I use to tease my mother because she would use a whole roll of film just taking pictures of clouds. I know she looks down & chuckles every time I take 1600 cloud pictures! Praise God for digital photos :) Clouds are so unique & not a single one has a twin. The clouds give texture & life to an otherwise bland blue canvas called the sky.

I am not saying that the clear blue sky is not beautiful - it is beautiful all in and of itself. But add some clouds and it's as if it comes alive in a new way! It's like the clouds reveal the splendor that was there in such vibrant majesty! Clouds come and go as nature wills them to. Sometimes they bring rain, snow, hail - sometimes they simply bring covering from the sun. Whatever their purpose may be - they have a purpose.

I move about my day sometimes on automatic pilot - not thinking to much about what comes next because life moves in a fairly regular routine. Occasionally, (sometimes more then I would like) the storm pounces. It can knock me down. It can be a nuisance and mess up the routine. Sometimes I find myself shaking my fist demanding answers - demanding the whys of this disruption. I want what I think is my right - to know the answers AND that things be put back in the right order so I can get on with the routine - the mundane.

Then the Creator so gently & graciously (firmly at times) says,

"Were you there when time began?

Did you enclose the oceans telling them to stay in their boundaries?

Have you ever told the sun to come up or tell it to go down?

Did you put the clouds in the sky?

I am God - You are not.

Do you trust me enough that even in this chaos I will still be in control?

Do YOU trust ME to make beauty out of this mess?

Sit back and watch the beauty that is hidden in these clouds

Rest in the full knowledge that there will be so much good come from this storm

Your only response will be giving Me praise & living in the freedom I so much want for you."

If I could look at life's 'storms' with the same depth of appreciation and awe as I look at the clouds in the sky maybe - just maybe the storms wouldn't be so bad. And I could remember the importance isn't so much in the clouds but the Creator.

Go & Sin No More??

I have so much enjoyed the study we have been doing on the 10 commandments at church. Everyone knows the 10 commandments! Most of us have heard them at some point in our lives. I am sure I am not the only one who - after reading through them - find myself saying, "Well at least I haven't broken THAT one!"

What I am realizing through this study is that we are ALL guilty of falling short of ALL of them! Maybe not in action but certainly in attitude or spirit. For some reason this has reminded me of the story in John 8 when Jesus is confronted with the Adulterous woman. Here is the passage in the New Living Translation: 

Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning He was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and He sat down and taught them. As He was speaking, the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery.They put her in front of the crowd 

"Teacher,” they said to Jesus, “this woman was caught in the act of adultery. The Law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?” They were trying to trap Him into saying something they could use against Him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with His finger. They kept demanding an answer, so He stood up again and said, “All right, but let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” Then He stooped down again and wrote in the dust. 

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?” “No, Lord,” she said. And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

So many things about this story has always intrigued me! One of the things that catches my attention is "Where is the Man!?" Jewish law stated that anyone caught in adultery meant immediate stoning to death - for the woman AND the man. So where was He? Why was only the woman brought? One of those questions for when I am sitting around heaven with Jesus;)

The other thing that has always peeked my curiosity has been - what was He writing? Have you ever wondered what it was?? Maybe He was writing down their names & what sins they had committed? Maybe He was writing down the 10 commandments? THIS question is always at the top of my list!  

And one last thing - I had not realized until recently that the accusers had left but the crowd was still there - watching all of this unfold. They stood and watched everything that had transpired. Some of them might have even picked up stones - ready to pass 'judgement' when given the word. Yet, we don't know what they were thinking or what their opinion was of the scene taking place in front of them. But I'd like to know~

Yet, putting all of that aside - the thing that has always struck me about this is that Jesus - being fully man & fully God had every right to condemn this woman. The unholy stood naked & dirty in front of the Holy. I can't even imagine the emotions going through this womans head. Anger? Frustration? Fear? 

We don't know but we can probably all sympathize  - we have all been caught doing things we shouldn't. We feel angry we got caught. We are frustrated we got caught. We are fearful of the consequences. We stand and wait (or cower & wait) for the shoe to drop. 

We await the punishment that is ours!

It's deserved! 

We wait. . . . 

And wait. . . . .

The accuser then looks you in the eye & opens His mouth, 

"All is forgiven! Your debt is paid in full! I took care of it so you don't have to worry about it!

Now go & live in the freedom I have given you, BUT don't sin anymore! 

I have so much more for you then to stay in your sin. 

My love for you will never change. My love will always be sufficient. 

I know you will fall & stumble because I know you inside & out

Remember Me! Remember that My grace will ALWAYS be sufficient

And come spend time with Me - it's one of the highlights of My day!

But go now - Sin No More. And remember I love you~"

We don't know what happened to this woman - Did she go and sin no more? Did she ever realize that she had stood in the presence of the Holy & survived? She was given a second chance~ Did she realize salvation stared her in the face?

Just like me - just like you. Because of Christs finished work on the cross our unholiness is now covered by His holiness~ What ever our sin (and we ALL sin) He stands ready to pardon, ready to love us! When we take His pardon, His cleansing - He cleans us up & tells us to sin no more.

I think the reason this intrigues me is that in our world today we are told to accept people the way they are. That people can choose to live life anyway they want. They know God loves them and that Jesus died for them yet they pull out the grace card & say, "I don't have to change because God loves me the way I am."

I believe this with all my heart - God does love us just as we are. Doesn't matter what we do or what we will do in the future His love does not change. But because He is holy and His character demands holiness.  He never intends for ANY OF US to stay where we are. He never intends for us to continue to live in our sin. Continuing to stay in the sin when He has given us the victory OVER the sin is like a person who falls into a deep pit & someone comes along to help them out. They accept the help and climbs out but then jump right back in. That is NOT how He ever intended for us to live.

Take the hand that is extended - grab hold and get out! He will not only help you out but He will fill in the pit for you so you can live life the way He intended. Then He will not only tell you to go & sin no more but He will give you His Spirit Who will then help you live above that sin that weighed you down.

Jesus Christ is the ONLY reason we could ever "go & sin no more". Praise the One Who Paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead!Jesus paid it ALL~

"Your Mercies In Disguise"

Sometimes I get so much running around in my head that a collision happens; trains derail and there ends up nothing but a pile of rubble! Scattered & strewn about with no rhyme or reason!

Ugh! Its times like that when I have a hard time pulling all the thoughts apart and separating out what is important & what can be tossed. One only has so much space to rent in the ol' brain so no room for clutter.

But alas clutter there is - I do believe that I should get in to a regular habit of blogging because I think it would keep the collisions down to a minimum.

The one thing that has kept my attention the past few days is the passage that our Pastor is sharing tomorrow at church. I love the passage - It's in John 9. Its the story of a man born blind who is healed by Jesus. The healing while wonderful & should have caused rejoicing ended up causing a big "controversy". And in the end? He was kicked out of the synagogue (which was a huge deal) & by world standards left alone.

He was minding his own business - doing his 'regular' thing - the same thing he did every day. Along comes this 'Man' with his friends and the next thing he knows he has mud on his eyes. This 'Man' then tells him to go and wash off at the pool. So he does & he comes out of the deal seeing for the first time in his life! His excitement & joy is (by appearance) short lived. People don't believe it! They even question whether he was ever blind in the first place!

I shake my head at this - did they think he was faking it? Did they think his parents were lying all those years? Amazing - they see the wonderous healing that Jesus did & yet come up with all kinds of reasons why it couldn't be true!

Humm - I do have to stop myself though & ask if I do the same thing - Do I  scoff at testimonies of those who claim "life changing events"? Do I question whether they every really had a problem in the first place? I do - I know I do! I steel God's glory & take away the praise that is His. This story prompts me to stop and give Him glory for the lives touched regardless of my opinion. I mean didn't Jesus tell His disciples that whether the motives were right or wrong God gets the glory - God is a big boy - He knows how to take care of Himself! He will deal with ALL of our impurities! ALL of US! So give Him the glory!

Yet now I have to go back to how this man must have been feeling - I tend to do that! I have always been one that feels things very deeply and so my first response tends to be - I want to know what he felt.

Did he feel abandoned? Alone? Did he want to rejoice? Did the struggle take his joy away? I want to know!

I think we can all sympathize with this man. I think all of us - at one time or another - have experienced times in our lives when the unexpected happened bringing intense joy but then turning around rather quickly to extreme sadness, frustration, helplessness, hurt, etc. We act in obedience of what we feel God has asked us to do and then have the rug pulled out from under us. I am pretty sure that if we took a poll  99.9% of us would say, "yeah! been there!"

We do the 'right things' and yet it feels like we were pushed off the cliff & are holding on for dear life! Just waiting and wondering if you are going to be rescued or fall to the valley below. We hang there wondering & quesitoning what we did wrong. Just waiting!

Yet - sometimes the things we face or the things we go through are simply God's way of giving us something we could never had anticipated. We see Him in a new & fresh way as we await His rescue. AND when we get on the other side of it our life will never EVER be the same. NEVER!

When I look back at some of the things I have walked through - things that were hard - I can see how God used those times to make me into the person I am today. Would I want to go through it again? Nope! But I would never want to lose what I have gained! What I have gained was worth every tear & every weary moment.

Each time God asks us to act in obedience we don't know the outcome. He simply asks us to trust Him, act & let Him do the work. He doesn't tell us the work will be easy and He doesn't say it won't cost us. He just says, "My yoke is easy & my burden is lite".

I will never understand His ways and why bad things happen to good people. I will never even try to understand all the evil things that happen is this world. I will probably say many times, "Its just not fair" - I might even question Him & His purpose but the bottom line is - to quote Steven Curtis Chapman, "God is God and I am not! I can only see a part of the picture He's painting. God is God and I am man so I'll never understand it all - for only God is God."

And you know what? I am really glad that is the truth for me. He is God! He is MY God and that is that for me!

There is a song out there that kind of captures some of this for me. It is a song that has touched so many - right at the heart of their struggle. I listen to it and its as if the person was reading my thoughts! My questions! My heart~ I know so many have been touched by this song because it says what so many want to say. 

The song is called 'Blessings' by Laura Story - it came out of a time when her husband had gone through a very serious medical condition. She has lived this song - she knows who God is but had to ask herself, "So maybe these things are really Your Mercy in disguise. Maybe our blessings come in ways we wouldn't expect them?"


Enjoy this song - I pray that it touches your heart like it does mine every time I hear it. I do wonder if the man born blind would have related to this song? I think so~

"Who Do You Say That I Am?"

It looks like the cold bug finally got me so I decided to enjoy some quiet moments to read one of my favorite authors. I am so grateful that God has gifted Max Lucado with the ability to put mind blowing truths into simple language I can understand. 

He is talking about the time that Jesus asks His disciples, “Who do you say I am?” and then takes us back to some of the events that happened prior to His question.

One of the events he talks about is when Jesus heals the widows’ son. Jesus and his disciples are passing through this town called Nain – and this funeral procession is heading toward the city gates. Jesus sees the mother & has compassion on her. It states that, “Jesus saw her and His heart went out to her.” They stopped the procession and lowered the corpse so Jesus could see him. Jesus then tells the young boy, “Young man, I say to you get up!” He sat up and began to talk – then Jesus gave him back to his mother.

I try to imagine what that would have looked like. What where the disciples thinking?? This man who they committed to following is bringing dead people to life. Did they wonder what they had gotten themselves into?

I just wonder sometimes if they truly understood the depth & scope of Who this Man was. I know that based on scripture they did not until after the resurrection. But you have to wonder why they didn’t get it! After all they had witnessed – Mind blowing that they didn’t see it. I mean after all Jesus was healing people, calling people out for the things they did wrong (in love), feeding the hungry and bringing dead people back to life! Changing lives in so many ways!  How come they did NOT get it!?

Did they understand that they had the “death defeater” in front of them? This same Man who they had witnessed doing all these wonderful things, laughed with them (& probably at them at times), wore the same kind of clothes they did and ate the same food they did. There was nothing about Him that said, “Put me on a pedestal so you can exalt me above all else!” Although He deserved to be exalted, He did not come for that! He came to humble Himself as a servant.

Again I go back to the question Jesus asked – “Who do YOU say I am?” How could all 12 of them NOT stand up and say, “You are Jesus the Christ, The Son of God!”? But alas it wasn’t the entire group – it was impulsive Peter - The one that always stuck his foot in his mouth, the one who always jumped in with both feet before thinking of the consequences. Peter says it! “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God!”

I don’t know how Peter said this – If he said hesitantly or firmly but He said it when no one else did. I don’t know if the others agreed with him verbally or nodded in agreement – I just don’t know. But I do know he said it. Peter had his ups and downs. He eventually became one of the primary figures God used to spread the Word. And at this moment he showed true character by speaking up & speaking the Truth.

When I think about how much the disciples ‘witnessed’ – how much they physically saw Jesus do with their own eyes I can’t believe they were not shouting it from the rooftops! “You are the Christ, The Son of the living God!”

Yet when I am presented with the true character of God and Who He really is – Such as:

• This same God sent His Son down to live as a human being (just like me) so that He could not only sympathize with me as my Great and only High Priest but so He could die for my sins (& everyones) and provide a way once for all for direct access to the Fathers Throne!
• His love does not, DOES NOT, change! Ever! Nada! Zip! There is absolutely nothing I could EVER do that will change His love for me. His love is as far as the East is from the West!
• The God who spoke this massive Universe into existence, reached down and created me as His child – HIS Child!

I have to say that I find myself just like them – I see the results around me of His love in action. I see how He has cared for me (even when I can’t ‘see’ it) I have to ponder the same question that the disciples where given, “Who do you say I am?” I want to be like Peter in that moment and stand up and say boldly, emphatically, “You are Christ, the Son of God!”

Then I do wonder if I completely grasp the depths & the truth of that statement. My response first should be to fall humbly on my knees & thank Him for being Who He is, for loving this dirty, snotty faced child who He constantly has to pick up out of the mud! AND that He never grows tired of doing that!

Which should cause me to praise Him for being the perfect Father. Having not had a father growing up I could not ask for a better one! And regardless of what I felt I lost by not having an earthly father I gained so much more because of the Heavenly Father I have now.

Which then there should come a bold proclamation – just like Peter! “You are the Christ, the Son of God!”

So, Who is this Man to you? This One Who calls Himself God in the flesh? This One Who claims to be the one and ONLY Son of God? The One Who died for my sins so I would not have to? This One Who paid the price so I could have direct access to the Father?

His name is Jesus! My one and only! He is life, your portion, your all! It sounds so nonchalant or trite but it’s not. The depth that touches my heart in these statements can not possibly be expressed in written words. Not sure I could do it even in person. My life would be absolutely nothing if it were not for the love of my Lord. I could not possible survive without His presence in my life. And I know He so much wants to do that for everyone so they can say with Peter, "You are the Christ, the Son of God!"

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Father Heart of God

No matter how old I get, when it comes to the subject of Fathers, my heart will always have a twinge of sadness. 

I use the word twinge which by definition means "a sudden sharp pain; an emotional pang." It gives the idea of something short or sudden or maybe even just not lasting very long. 

I have come a long way in my life journey to actually say 'twinge'. Having been raised by a mom who loved me unconditionally helped immensely in growing up without my dad.

Yet there was a time in my life when I:

• Struggled with a dad who walked out us.
• Struggled with the questions and the 'wondering' if he ever loved me.
• Struggled with the hurt of being the little girl who just wanted to sit in her daddy's lap.
• Struggled with why he didn't tell his little girl he loved her & that he would do absolutely anything for her.

That was not my lot in life - that was not what path my life was set to take. 

God wanted a relationship with me.

He wanted to show me what a Real Father was like.

He wanted me to know that His love was unconditional, unchanging & everlasting. 

I heard something the other day that resonated within my heart, "God never grows tired of our need for Him." The Father Heart of God NEVER grows tired of my need for Him.

He will not walk out - throw up His hands - shake His head in disbelief - Gasp in surprise - NEVER!

This morning our Pastor talked about how God wants a relationship with us - Not just a functioning relationship but a deep life changing relationship. He is a holy, jealous God who waits for His children to come & cry "Abba Father!" He waits - as the Father waited for the prodigal son to return home - He waits. When He sees us He rejoices! He celebrates! He embraces!

Several years ago God gave me this picture that has stuck with me. Picture if you will a warm cozy room - I like to think of it as a den or a library. There is a fireplace with a fire going, a big overstuffed chair & a free standing lamp that it is dimly lit. 

Sitting in the chair is Papa God~ Always ready, never demanding, waiting for me/you to come & spend time with Him. There is another chair there for me/you to sit in. However, He is always willing to let me/you crawl into His lap.

This picture has been such a freeing thing for my heart - I grew up knowing God loved me but until I understood & accepted that the Father Heart of God loved me & that this was enough for me - It was only then that I lived in the freedom He intended me to live in.

What ever your 'father' experience has been - and I know that for some the past is very painful - I am not trying to lessen any of that. What I do want to convey is just how much more we have by trusting & believing in the Father Heart of God! There is no better place to be! There is no safer place to be! You can not ever be out of the Father's hand - you can't jump - you can't run. There is no place you can go that will ever take you out of the presence of the One Who loves you more then you could ever imagine.

This is why tears come to me eyes when I realize just how much He loves me - if His love does not move you to tears every once in a while I have to wonder if you really - I mean REALLY understand just how deep His love is for His children.

What Influences You?

It's been awhile since I sat down just to write. I really need to do it more often but I find that lately just thinking about writing things down either gives me a headache or brings tears to my eyes.

God is so good, He does not change, His ways are SO much higher than mine, and His faithfulness is new every morning! It never grows out of style or gives out! Praise be to God!

I go through a lot of emotions this time of year - always have. As is with most I feel the loss this time of year - the loss of loved ones who have passed on. Ironically, I realized the other day that the most important losses have been around the holidays.

My grandmother & my mom both passed on to a greater place in November - 22 years apart almost to the day. The 2 greatest influences of my life. My father passed away 2 days before Christmas 25 years ago – an influence but not in the way most people would think of in relation to their father.

I guess I started thinking about the contrasts – the differences in the influences – because we discovered last week that my paternal grandmother passed away in 2002 & we had no idea. My sister stumbled on it looking for family history. My sister & I both agree that the saddest part of her obituary was that there was no mention of her grandchildren. Then we realized that my dad’s obituary had no mention of his children. Like mother like son.

The contrast in influences

Here you have 4 people:
2 parents that influenced their children
2 children that had freedom of choice

2 parents that by appearance choose opposite directions
2 children that lived the example given

I am a product of those influences whether positive or negative – who I am is a direct result of their choices. Who they are defines me. 

Yet – who I am is a direct result of the positive influences. Who I am is defined by who I am in Christ. Who I am is because of a Grandmother who prayed diligently. Prayed first for her own daughter to find her God again after taking a wrong turn.  Then she prayed for her grandchildren to know God and live life by His Word. Positive Influence!

Who I am is because of a Mother who realized that life without God was wrong & turned her life around. She prayed & lived her life always doing her best to keep her eyes on the God that gave her life. Did she always do it right? Nope & I always made sure I reminded her of that ;) She knew that it was His faithfulness, forgiveness, mercy & love that carried her – that was what she staked her life on. He never let her down. Positive Influence!

As for the negative influences – I learn from those. I learn the path not to take. I learn that it is only Godly influences that keeps me from going the wrong direction. I learn that who I am is only because of ‘Whose I am’ – Who I belong to. 

As hard as the losses are & how much my heart aches at times for another chance to spend time with Grandma or just a little bit more time with Mom – what they both left for me can not be put into words. My life will never be the same & I will continue to strive to live my life heading in the direction they both started me on. I pray that my life will be a lasting legacy of what they started. 

Where ever you are right now – no matter what the future looks like – your influences will direct you one way or another. How you choose to let those influences direct you is completely in your hands.

Maybe all you see is the negatives - God is waiting to help you walk through them.
Maybe all you see is positives - God is waiting to help you walk through those as well.

God – I AM – Jehovah – Creator – Sustainer of Life & so much more. He is the ONLY God, there is no other! Great is His faithfulness~

Who knows what this coming year will hold - actually I know WHO knows & I am staking my life on Him.~

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord..."