"Your Mercies In Disguise"

Sometimes I get so much running around in my head that a collision happens; trains derail and there ends up nothing but a pile of rubble! Scattered & strewn about with no rhyme or reason!

Ugh! Its times like that when I have a hard time pulling all the thoughts apart and separating out what is important & what can be tossed. One only has so much space to rent in the ol' brain so no room for clutter.

But alas clutter there is - I do believe that I should get in to a regular habit of blogging because I think it would keep the collisions down to a minimum.

The one thing that has kept my attention the past few days is the passage that our Pastor is sharing tomorrow at church. I love the passage - It's in John 9. Its the story of a man born blind who is healed by Jesus. The healing while wonderful & should have caused rejoicing ended up causing a big "controversy". And in the end? He was kicked out of the synagogue (which was a huge deal) & by world standards left alone.

He was minding his own business - doing his 'regular' thing - the same thing he did every day. Along comes this 'Man' with his friends and the next thing he knows he has mud on his eyes. This 'Man' then tells him to go and wash off at the pool. So he does & he comes out of the deal seeing for the first time in his life! His excitement & joy is (by appearance) short lived. People don't believe it! They even question whether he was ever blind in the first place!

I shake my head at this - did they think he was faking it? Did they think his parents were lying all those years? Amazing - they see the wonderous healing that Jesus did & yet come up with all kinds of reasons why it couldn't be true!

Humm - I do have to stop myself though & ask if I do the same thing - Do I  scoff at testimonies of those who claim "life changing events"? Do I question whether they every really had a problem in the first place? I do - I know I do! I steel God's glory & take away the praise that is His. This story prompts me to stop and give Him glory for the lives touched regardless of my opinion. I mean didn't Jesus tell His disciples that whether the motives were right or wrong God gets the glory - God is a big boy - He knows how to take care of Himself! He will deal with ALL of our impurities! ALL of US! So give Him the glory!

Yet now I have to go back to how this man must have been feeling - I tend to do that! I have always been one that feels things very deeply and so my first response tends to be - I want to know what he felt.

Did he feel abandoned? Alone? Did he want to rejoice? Did the struggle take his joy away? I want to know!

I think we can all sympathize with this man. I think all of us - at one time or another - have experienced times in our lives when the unexpected happened bringing intense joy but then turning around rather quickly to extreme sadness, frustration, helplessness, hurt, etc. We act in obedience of what we feel God has asked us to do and then have the rug pulled out from under us. I am pretty sure that if we took a poll  99.9% of us would say, "yeah! been there!"

We do the 'right things' and yet it feels like we were pushed off the cliff & are holding on for dear life! Just waiting and wondering if you are going to be rescued or fall to the valley below. We hang there wondering & quesitoning what we did wrong. Just waiting!

Yet - sometimes the things we face or the things we go through are simply God's way of giving us something we could never had anticipated. We see Him in a new & fresh way as we await His rescue. AND when we get on the other side of it our life will never EVER be the same. NEVER!

When I look back at some of the things I have walked through - things that were hard - I can see how God used those times to make me into the person I am today. Would I want to go through it again? Nope! But I would never want to lose what I have gained! What I have gained was worth every tear & every weary moment.

Each time God asks us to act in obedience we don't know the outcome. He simply asks us to trust Him, act & let Him do the work. He doesn't tell us the work will be easy and He doesn't say it won't cost us. He just says, "My yoke is easy & my burden is lite".

I will never understand His ways and why bad things happen to good people. I will never even try to understand all the evil things that happen is this world. I will probably say many times, "Its just not fair" - I might even question Him & His purpose but the bottom line is - to quote Steven Curtis Chapman, "God is God and I am not! I can only see a part of the picture He's painting. God is God and I am man so I'll never understand it all - for only God is God."

And you know what? I am really glad that is the truth for me. He is God! He is MY God and that is that for me!

There is a song out there that kind of captures some of this for me. It is a song that has touched so many - right at the heart of their struggle. I listen to it and its as if the person was reading my thoughts! My questions! My heart~ I know so many have been touched by this song because it says what so many want to say. 

The song is called 'Blessings' by Laura Story - it came out of a time when her husband had gone through a very serious medical condition. She has lived this song - she knows who God is but had to ask herself, "So maybe these things are really Your Mercy in disguise. Maybe our blessings come in ways we wouldn't expect them?"


Enjoy this song - I pray that it touches your heart like it does mine every time I hear it. I do wonder if the man born blind would have related to this song? I think so~

"Who Do You Say That I Am?"

It looks like the cold bug finally got me so I decided to enjoy some quiet moments to read one of my favorite authors. I am so grateful that God has gifted Max Lucado with the ability to put mind blowing truths into simple language I can understand. 

He is talking about the time that Jesus asks His disciples, “Who do you say I am?” and then takes us back to some of the events that happened prior to His question.

One of the events he talks about is when Jesus heals the widows’ son. Jesus and his disciples are passing through this town called Nain – and this funeral procession is heading toward the city gates. Jesus sees the mother & has compassion on her. It states that, “Jesus saw her and His heart went out to her.” They stopped the procession and lowered the corpse so Jesus could see him. Jesus then tells the young boy, “Young man, I say to you get up!” He sat up and began to talk – then Jesus gave him back to his mother.

I try to imagine what that would have looked like. What where the disciples thinking?? This man who they committed to following is bringing dead people to life. Did they wonder what they had gotten themselves into?

I just wonder sometimes if they truly understood the depth & scope of Who this Man was. I know that based on scripture they did not until after the resurrection. But you have to wonder why they didn’t get it! After all they had witnessed – Mind blowing that they didn’t see it. I mean after all Jesus was healing people, calling people out for the things they did wrong (in love), feeding the hungry and bringing dead people back to life! Changing lives in so many ways!  How come they did NOT get it!?

Did they understand that they had the “death defeater” in front of them? This same Man who they had witnessed doing all these wonderful things, laughed with them (& probably at them at times), wore the same kind of clothes they did and ate the same food they did. There was nothing about Him that said, “Put me on a pedestal so you can exalt me above all else!” Although He deserved to be exalted, He did not come for that! He came to humble Himself as a servant.

Again I go back to the question Jesus asked – “Who do YOU say I am?” How could all 12 of them NOT stand up and say, “You are Jesus the Christ, The Son of God!”? But alas it wasn’t the entire group – it was impulsive Peter - The one that always stuck his foot in his mouth, the one who always jumped in with both feet before thinking of the consequences. Peter says it! “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God!”

I don’t know how Peter said this – If he said hesitantly or firmly but He said it when no one else did. I don’t know if the others agreed with him verbally or nodded in agreement – I just don’t know. But I do know he said it. Peter had his ups and downs. He eventually became one of the primary figures God used to spread the Word. And at this moment he showed true character by speaking up & speaking the Truth.

When I think about how much the disciples ‘witnessed’ – how much they physically saw Jesus do with their own eyes I can’t believe they were not shouting it from the rooftops! “You are the Christ, The Son of the living God!”

Yet when I am presented with the true character of God and Who He really is – Such as:

• This same God sent His Son down to live as a human being (just like me) so that He could not only sympathize with me as my Great and only High Priest but so He could die for my sins (& everyones) and provide a way once for all for direct access to the Fathers Throne!
• His love does not, DOES NOT, change! Ever! Nada! Zip! There is absolutely nothing I could EVER do that will change His love for me. His love is as far as the East is from the West!
• The God who spoke this massive Universe into existence, reached down and created me as His child – HIS Child!

I have to say that I find myself just like them – I see the results around me of His love in action. I see how He has cared for me (even when I can’t ‘see’ it) I have to ponder the same question that the disciples where given, “Who do you say I am?” I want to be like Peter in that moment and stand up and say boldly, emphatically, “You are Christ, the Son of God!”

Then I do wonder if I completely grasp the depths & the truth of that statement. My response first should be to fall humbly on my knees & thank Him for being Who He is, for loving this dirty, snotty faced child who He constantly has to pick up out of the mud! AND that He never grows tired of doing that!

Which should cause me to praise Him for being the perfect Father. Having not had a father growing up I could not ask for a better one! And regardless of what I felt I lost by not having an earthly father I gained so much more because of the Heavenly Father I have now.

Which then there should come a bold proclamation – just like Peter! “You are the Christ, the Son of God!”

So, Who is this Man to you? This One Who calls Himself God in the flesh? This One Who claims to be the one and ONLY Son of God? The One Who died for my sins so I would not have to? This One Who paid the price so I could have direct access to the Father?

His name is Jesus! My one and only! He is life, your portion, your all! It sounds so nonchalant or trite but it’s not. The depth that touches my heart in these statements can not possibly be expressed in written words. Not sure I could do it even in person. My life would be absolutely nothing if it were not for the love of my Lord. I could not possible survive without His presence in my life. And I know He so much wants to do that for everyone so they can say with Peter, "You are the Christ, the Son of God!"

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Father Heart of God

No matter how old I get, when it comes to the subject of Fathers, my heart will always have a twinge of sadness. 

I use the word twinge which by definition means "a sudden sharp pain; an emotional pang." It gives the idea of something short or sudden or maybe even just not lasting very long. 

I have come a long way in my life journey to actually say 'twinge'. Having been raised by a mom who loved me unconditionally helped immensely in growing up without my dad.

Yet there was a time in my life when I:

• Struggled with a dad who walked out us.
• Struggled with the questions and the 'wondering' if he ever loved me.
• Struggled with the hurt of being the little girl who just wanted to sit in her daddy's lap.
• Struggled with why he didn't tell his little girl he loved her & that he would do absolutely anything for her.

That was not my lot in life - that was not what path my life was set to take. 

God wanted a relationship with me.

He wanted to show me what a Real Father was like.

He wanted me to know that His love was unconditional, unchanging & everlasting. 

I heard something the other day that resonated within my heart, "God never grows tired of our need for Him." The Father Heart of God NEVER grows tired of my need for Him.

He will not walk out - throw up His hands - shake His head in disbelief - Gasp in surprise - NEVER!

This morning our Pastor talked about how God wants a relationship with us - Not just a functioning relationship but a deep life changing relationship. He is a holy, jealous God who waits for His children to come & cry "Abba Father!" He waits - as the Father waited for the prodigal son to return home - He waits. When He sees us He rejoices! He celebrates! He embraces!

Several years ago God gave me this picture that has stuck with me. Picture if you will a warm cozy room - I like to think of it as a den or a library. There is a fireplace with a fire going, a big overstuffed chair & a free standing lamp that it is dimly lit. 

Sitting in the chair is Papa God~ Always ready, never demanding, waiting for me/you to come & spend time with Him. There is another chair there for me/you to sit in. However, He is always willing to let me/you crawl into His lap.

This picture has been such a freeing thing for my heart - I grew up knowing God loved me but until I understood & accepted that the Father Heart of God loved me & that this was enough for me - It was only then that I lived in the freedom He intended me to live in.

What ever your 'father' experience has been - and I know that for some the past is very painful - I am not trying to lessen any of that. What I do want to convey is just how much more we have by trusting & believing in the Father Heart of God! There is no better place to be! There is no safer place to be! You can not ever be out of the Father's hand - you can't jump - you can't run. There is no place you can go that will ever take you out of the presence of the One Who loves you more then you could ever imagine.

This is why tears come to me eyes when I realize just how much He loves me - if His love does not move you to tears every once in a while I have to wonder if you really - I mean REALLY understand just how deep His love is for His children.

What Influences You?

It's been awhile since I sat down just to write. I really need to do it more often but I find that lately just thinking about writing things down either gives me a headache or brings tears to my eyes.

God is so good, He does not change, His ways are SO much higher than mine, and His faithfulness is new every morning! It never grows out of style or gives out! Praise be to God!

I go through a lot of emotions this time of year - always have. As is with most I feel the loss this time of year - the loss of loved ones who have passed on. Ironically, I realized the other day that the most important losses have been around the holidays.

My grandmother & my mom both passed on to a greater place in November - 22 years apart almost to the day. The 2 greatest influences of my life. My father passed away 2 days before Christmas 25 years ago – an influence but not in the way most people would think of in relation to their father.

I guess I started thinking about the contrasts – the differences in the influences – because we discovered last week that my paternal grandmother passed away in 2002 & we had no idea. My sister stumbled on it looking for family history. My sister & I both agree that the saddest part of her obituary was that there was no mention of her grandchildren. Then we realized that my dad’s obituary had no mention of his children. Like mother like son.

The contrast in influences

Here you have 4 people:
2 parents that influenced their children
2 children that had freedom of choice

2 parents that by appearance choose opposite directions
2 children that lived the example given

I am a product of those influences whether positive or negative – who I am is a direct result of their choices. Who they are defines me. 

Yet – who I am is a direct result of the positive influences. Who I am is defined by who I am in Christ. Who I am is because of a Grandmother who prayed diligently. Prayed first for her own daughter to find her God again after taking a wrong turn.  Then she prayed for her grandchildren to know God and live life by His Word. Positive Influence!

Who I am is because of a Mother who realized that life without God was wrong & turned her life around. She prayed & lived her life always doing her best to keep her eyes on the God that gave her life. Did she always do it right? Nope & I always made sure I reminded her of that ;) She knew that it was His faithfulness, forgiveness, mercy & love that carried her – that was what she staked her life on. He never let her down. Positive Influence!

As for the negative influences – I learn from those. I learn the path not to take. I learn that it is only Godly influences that keeps me from going the wrong direction. I learn that who I am is only because of ‘Whose I am’ – Who I belong to. 

As hard as the losses are & how much my heart aches at times for another chance to spend time with Grandma or just a little bit more time with Mom – what they both left for me can not be put into words. My life will never be the same & I will continue to strive to live my life heading in the direction they both started me on. I pray that my life will be a lasting legacy of what they started. 

Where ever you are right now – no matter what the future looks like – your influences will direct you one way or another. How you choose to let those influences direct you is completely in your hands.

Maybe all you see is the negatives - God is waiting to help you walk through them.
Maybe all you see is positives - God is waiting to help you walk through those as well.

God – I AM – Jehovah – Creator – Sustainer of Life & so much more. He is the ONLY God, there is no other! Great is His faithfulness~

Who knows what this coming year will hold - actually I know WHO knows & I am staking my life on Him.~

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord..."